is it the hope that kills you?

As I write this, I’m finishing my final day of summer school. The program flew by and I’m relieved. I made some extra money, spent time with Cymone, worked on some materials I needed for the first week back of my normal school year, and got motivated to exercise. I also successfully finished the first task for curriculum planning, and, with Lisa, created a detailed and helpful unit overview for Reconstruction. The other four members of our curriculum team worked on two remaining units. Two members finalized Westward Expansion and two members took on Gilded Age/Industrialization. These are the first three units of study, so it was imperative that we completed them before the start of the 2025-2026 school year. We then, should hopefully begin work on the next three units; this is where Lisa and I will tackle the Spanish American War and World War I. 

This week, I’ll also be getting ready for my brief trip to Texas. I leave next Monday and will enjoy a direct flight to Austin. My brother is all set for my arrival, and I’m glad I can say I am still going…my darling little cat, Ike, decided to scare his mama by getting sick. I came home from work last Monday and noticed that he was keeping to himself. He had also vomited. I thought nothing of it that day; he usually gets hairballs because of his long and thick black fur. The next day, though, he was still avoiding me and, to make things worse, he wasn’t eating. He didn’t come beg me for his dry Temptations dairy treats when I shook the bag or sit on the floor with his big green eyes pathetically begging me for his wet Churu treat. I decided to wait it out and see if he improved the next day. Ike only acted more lethargic on Wednesday, so I decided to call my vet. The vet, luckily, could see him on Thursday afternoon.

After my work day ended,  Ike and I headed to the vet. He was vocal about being put in his cat carrier and meowed the entire five minute drive to the office. You could see the anger and frustration on his face when the vet examined him; he refused to come out of the carrier for a little while. The vet drew blood, shaved off some of his matted fur, and attempted to get a urine sample. Ike, however, was not having it, and refused to urinate. Unfortunately, since he didn’t go to the bathroom during the appointment, it would be up to me to obtain the sample. I also received a topical steroid to apply on Ike’s ear; this would help stimulate his appetite. 

Ike, luckily, started to eat a little bit after the cream was applied. He drank water too. I decided to let him get some nourishment into his body before I began the process for the urine sample. The vet supplied me with a special litter that did not absorb the urine. I would be able to use a syringe to collect the urine and place it in a plastic medical tube. I only had a 12 hour window to get the urine and take it to the vet. It was also the weekend, so it would be easier for me to monitor him going to the bathroom. My goal was to take the urine sample to the vet first thing on Saturday morning. I figured, if I delayed it any further, I would not have enough time to get Ike’s diagnosis and therefore, need to postpone my travels so I could keep an eye on him. 

My issue was that his sister would use the box with the special litter, so, per my vet’s suggestion, I purchased a new litter box. I filled it with the special litter and placed it in my bathroom. Ike was directed by the vet to stay locked in my room, with access to the litter box, until he decided to relieve himself. Umm, easier said than done.

I was going to need to pull an all-nighter then, hoping he would pee, making sure the other cat didn’t try to find him, and timing it to where I could drop off the sample within that 12 hour window before the vet closed at 1 PM on Saturday. 

Ike, thank God, was tired and managed to sleep for most of the night. He knew where the litter box was if he needed to go. My anxiety over hoping he would go to the bathroom had me waking up every hour checking for any progress. By 2 AM, he still had not peed and was getting the zoomies…he kept scratching at my bedroom door to let him free. I ignored him and then begged him to go to the bathroom…as if talking to him would make him listen to me (but I was exhausted and running out of patience).

I fell asleep and woke to an alarm that sounded at 7 AM. Ike was awake too and scratching at the door again. I decided to let him free so he could try to eat breakfast. I grumbled to myself that I would never get the urine sample as I checked the box for the umpteenth time…

Only to see that Ike, my clever and sweet little Ike, had obeyed his mother’s orders. 

he’s fine, i swear.

I quickly siphoned the urine into the medical tubes, refrigerated them while I got dressed, and was at the vet right as they opened. My all-nighter had been a success. I spent the rest of my morning running errands and cleaning up the mess from his litter box in my bathroom. I took a glorious nap later that afternoon and spent the rest of the weekend recovering from my messed up sleep patterns. Summer school had me up at 5:30 AM every day, so I was tired enough from that early wake up time…my body was truly craving the sleep.

So much for a restful summer, but hey, at least I didn’t just sit and veg out every day. I was productive, spent time with my friends, visited with my family, exercised…and didn’t spend all day rotting away in my pajamas. I call that a success.

The vet called on Monday evening to confirm that there was nothing wrong with Ike…no UTIs, no infections…he got a clean bill of health and I am out $400, but at least my wee critter is healthy and I can go to Texas with the relief and knowledge that he is perfectly fine. If there are any lingering doubts about his health…well, the fact that he’s being mischievous and jumping on the “no-no” places (i.e. the kitchen counter) assuages those doubts for sure.

I can also go to Richmond this Saturday for a quick visit and tea time with Breanna. We had talked about going to Floris again before the summer ended for a tea, and she invited me to join her and her mother on the 26th. I was worried about Ike and told her I was a tentative “yes” but would let her know if that changed once I got Ike’s results back.  

Even though Ike is fine, I’m still going to make it a day trip. I’ll leave early-ish on Saturday and come back in the evening. I need some time to focus on packing for Texas, although that really shouldn’t take long since I’m not staying that long. I’ll be home from Texas by next Friday, because by then, I need to get back into history teacher mode and start preparing for year eight. 

Year eight. I can’t believe so much time has passed since I began my teaching journey, amidst a global pandemic nonetheless. I keep reminding myself; if I could survive teaching during COVID, I can handle anything else that comes my way for the rest of my teaching career. I keep holding onto that hope that I can continue teaching…

But, as the Richmond FC football fans in Ted Lasso say:

It’s the hope that kills you.

Granted, we’re not talking about hoping a perpetually losing English football team will eventually win a trophy as what will “kill” me, but when I heard this quote during a recent Ted Lasso rewatch, this time, it stayed engraved in my mind.

Perhaps me holding onto hope is what’s “killing” me inside. Perhaps me, choosing to have hope in education…and that student (and parent) behaviors will improve the further away we get from the pandemic, is what is causing my mental state to decline. 

I remember I once had a colleague tell me that he noticed the joy and sparkle in my eyes had disappeared. This comment had been made when I went through a breakup, so it made sense that I was struggling and had lost any sense of optimism. This colleague, someone that I miss teaching with, was concerned about me, because I had always been the perpetually cheerful and perhaps, too optimistic, girl. That joy and sparkle came back, briefly, as I focused on myself and met the guy I am still (unfortunately) in love with, but ever since the pandemic…and ever since he left me, the joy and sparkle seem to have disappeared for good.

I feel like no matter what I do, or whom I’m with…when I try to find ways to find joy and sparkle…nothing works. Nothing changes how I feel. Hoping to lose some weight and feel healthier, hoping for true love, hoping for my anxiety and depression to lighten up, hoping for improvements in education…

Hoping for me to just be “me” again…

It’s killing me, mentally, every day. The joy and sparkle are just about extinguished from my eyes, this time, for good. 

Then…then I think about Ted’s response to that quote:

I believe in hope. I believe in ‘believe.’

No matter how crappy life was for Ted, despite his divorce and his own mental problems, he never stopped believing in hope. He believed in believing in others…and he believed in believing in himself. If you’ve never seen Ted Lasso, give it a watch, because at first glance, the show appears to be a comedy…and yes, for the most part, it is…

When the dramatic parts happen though? They don’t just tug at your heartstrings…no.

They break your heart.

So, thanks to this wonderful show, I now realize I have two choices:

I can let the hope kill me…

Or I can start my school year with Ted’s mindset.

Have some hope for me that I can be like Ted, okay?

Many happy returns!
-kate

P.S. Season Four of Ted Lasso went into production this week! Brett Goldstein, who produces and writes for Ted Lasso, while simultaneously playing my favorite character, the ever-grumpy footballer Roy Kent, posted a video to his Instagram (@mrbrettgoldstein) showing a brief “behind the scenes” of the new season. This is a still from the video with four of the main characters.

This news arrived after over a year of fans wondering if there would be another season, as Season Three was supposed to be the end of the series. Not anymore! Richmond ‘til we die!

we’re not in richmond anymore…

how i create history is not a mystery (anymore).

Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate, I may earn a small commission from qualifying purchases if you use the links listed within this post.  Using the following links to purchase any of the books discussed will not add to the cost of the item(s). It’s an excellent way for you to support my continued efforts to provide amazing and free content to you. Happy reading!

Hey y’all!

I told you I’d be more consistent with the posts, so look! I’ve already updated! I did it! I hope you all are well and trying to stay afloat this summer (I know I am).

So, I keep mentioning in past posts about how I am working on developing curriculum with the county for the course I currently teach - United States History after the Civil War, informally, USII. Some of you probably wonder…what does developing curriculum actually mean or entail? If you’re not a teacher or in the field of education, you probably might have an inkling, but I doubt it. I want to give y’all, then, some context about what I do as a curriculum designer.

To be honest, I don’t know why I was chosen to be on this curriculum development team. There are many USII teachers in the county. Some have been teaching it for probably over twenty years. Once you get a history teaching position, you rarely leave it, because well…no one really checks in on us! We’re not considered as important as Math, Language Arts, and Science. Our test scores do not matter to the Virginia Department of Education (VDOE). We’re actually phasing out the Social Studies standardized tests (SOLs) to be replaced with what we call Local Alternative Assessments (LAA), which I will discuss with you as well.

If you’re pursuing a teaching degree, you can complete a concentration in curriculum design. I did not go that route; I went for a predoctoral history concentration because at the time I was in my master’s program, I had the silly notion that I would actually go on and get my PhD! That, of course, did not manifest, although Lisa thinks I should still go for it…maybe. We’ll see. It would be cool to try my hand for admission to William & Mary, Boston College or Yale (those would be my top three doctoral programs). I had a dream to pursue Irish historical studies at Trinity College Dublin, but lack of support from my family deterred me from putting in the application.

I should really stop listening to what other people believe is best for me…that’s a post for another time.

Anyways, although I don’t have my degree in curriculum design, my seven years of teaching, enrolling in historical professional development, and being super obsessed with giving my students high quality work has caught the eye of the “big wigs” at what we call, “The Hill” (this is the main office of the county I teach in). Somehow, they thought I’d be good enough to help develop lessons for the rest of the USII teachers, and now, two years later, I’m praying my involvement could one day, get me a job as a curriculum specialist…which means, I’d be out of the classroom, but still involved in the education field!

The VDOE voted on the new Social Studies standards we will be teaching. These standards are the topics I have to teach my students throughout the academic year. They get updated every seven years or so. I’ve been using the standards that were established in 2015. The VDOE finalized new ones a little later; we are now going to be implementing the 2023 standards. When I compare the 2015 and 2023 standards, the newer ones are more specific. 

For example: 

2015 Standards:

USII.5 - focuses on Spanish American War & World War I. I’d refer to this as “Unit 5” to the students.

There is a letter that is attached to the numerical standard. That letter refers to the “substandard,” or the specific topic that will be taught.

USII.5c, then, is this:

The student will apply social science skills to understand the changing role of the United States from the late nineteenth century through World War I by:

c) evaluating and explaining the reasons for the United States’ involvement in World War I and its international leadership role at the conclusion of the war.

USII.5c was the ONLY substandard that focused on World War I. USII.5 had three substandards; 5c was the last one. USII.5a and 5b were about the Spanish American War.

Lisa and I would have to go off standard, then, to effectively teach World War I because we agreed the students needed background of what was going on in Europe from 1914 to 1917 before they understood why the United States, as mentioned in 5c, decided to join World War I.

We also taught about the weapons and technology of World War I, even though the standard doesn’t say we should.

The 2023 standards fix this problem for us. The Spanish American War and World War I are now Unit 4. These are the new 2023 substandards for World War I:

The student will apply history and social science skills to explain the changing role of the United States from the late 19th century through World War I by:

c) analyzing the major causes and consequences of World War I and examining the roles of key leaders and groups;

d) examining the evolution of warfare tactics and technology including, but not limited to  cavalry, air, submarine, chemical, trench warfare, and other technological advancements;

e) explaining how the war was a catalyst for the United States gaining international power and expanding its sphere of international influence;

f) examining how post-war sanctions and the failure of the League of Nations set the stage for World War II.

Everything Lisa and I taught “off standard” is now part of the unit! Yes, it seems like there is more material…but really, the 2023 standards now just provide more concrete substandards for the topics we already teach our students! We are no longer “off standard” by teaching everything else the students need to understand the significance of each unit.

What Lisa and I will be doing this year is providing activities that teachers can use to align with the 2023 standards. The activities should match the verbage of each substandard. 

Example, if a student is supposed to be “analyzing the major causes and consequences of World War I,” the activity should allow students to analyze. This activity verb is usually completed by having students analyze primary or secondary sources to allow them to determine what the causes (MAIN) of World War I are. 

I already have an activity created from two years ago that I made for the benefits of my students on analyzing the MAIN Causes of World War I (militarism, alliance system, imperialism, nationalism)…and now I can share my original resources with the rest of the USII teachers! They decide if they want to use my resources or keep using their own, but if they use the ones I’m providing, they will be certainly “on pace” and aligned with the standard. 

Lisa and I were tasked with creating activities for Spanish American War (one of her favorites because she’s obsessed with all things Teddy Roosevelt), World War I (MY FAVORITE), and Boom/Bust (AKA: Roaring 20s, Great Depression). We also will fill in unit guides that teachers can use as a foundation for planning each unit. We will provide vocabulary words students will encounter. We will form learning targets that teachers can provide students with so both student and teacher are on track with what is being taught. The learning target pretty much rephrases the standard, but it’s rephrased to help the student understand what “activity” they will be completing with the standard.

A learning target looks something like this:

  • I can analyze the major causes and consequences of World War I.

  • I can examine the major roles of key leaders and groups of World War I.

The “I can” statement is what is supposed to make the learning target more “student friendly.”

(Most of the time, my students ignore the learning target, no matter how many times I’ve gone over it or have it posted in my classroom).

If we finish our assigned units within the allotted 40 hours we’re getting paid to work on curriculum development, we can assist with other units until we reach the threshold. Lisa and I are also probably going to assist with leading professional development sessions at the History & Social Sciences “Secondary Day” that is always scheduled during the teacher work week before we go back to school. We will be the facilitators of these sessions alongside the other four teachers who were asked to design curriculum. 

During Secondary Day, the teachers will be informed about the LAA process. As I mentioned earlier, this LAA will replace the SOL test for Social Studies. This means that the Social Studies teacher embeds the LAA within the curriculum; it is a not a cumulative multiple choice test, like the SOLs for other content areas. Our LAA is what we call the “Inquiry Design Model” (IDM). Students will have three IDMs in which they do a specific inquiry of a unit, based on a compelling, or main, question. My curriculum specialist determined which units the IDMs would cover, but he asked the curriculum team for our input before he made the final decision.

Students will start with the Reconstruction IDM. This is our first unit, so we decided it would be great to get them familiar with the IDM process by choosing Reconstruction as the unit of inquiry. Their compelling question (check out the introduction to the IDM linked below) is:

Were the Freedmen free during Reconstruction?

The students will have three supporting questions and assignments that should help them eventually, answer the compelling question at the end of the inquiry. They are allowed to use notes and sources that they completed for the three supporting questions when they respond to the overall compelling question. These are their own notes, and a reflection of their own work, so there’s no reason why they shouldn’t be allowed to use these resources on their final response. The teacher rarely, if at all, gives guided/“Fill in the Blank” style notes during the inquiry; students are working collaboratively (if they choose) through each supporting question by analyzing primary sources, responding to guiding questions, completing gallery walks, and participating in simulations (example: we do a “rock paper scissors” game in the final IDM, which focuses on Cold War, to teach the differences of Communism and Capitalism). I create many scaffolds like T-Charts, Venn Diagrams, and graphic organizers for the students to use for notetaking purposes. 

Example of a T-Chart I created used by students during the Reconstruction IDM. They use it to sort Reconstruction events and laws that either offered more freedom, or limited it, to the Freedmen.

The more the student participates and engages with the inquiry, more than likely, the better the student will perform on the final written response to the compelling question. I’ve had students who have a learning disability, whose first language is not English…or both…and they perform well during the inquiry thanks to the more “hands on” engagement and variety of sources that is provided. They are able to recall information much more effectively this way than if I just had them fill in the blank on a set of notes as they watch me give a PowerPoint presentation about the topic. 

The second IDM is on the Spanish American War, and the final one is when we introduce the Cold War. All three IDM responses to each compelling question are sent to the county for data purposes. What Lisa and I have decided to do when we’re not giving an “official” county IDM is teach our other units in the IDM style. I have created IDM style lessons for our Westward Expansion, 1920s/1930s, World War II, and Civil Rights unit. Two years ago, we were given a Gilded Age IDM to report for data collection, but the county decided not to use the Gilded Age one and replaced it with the Spanish American War option. We still use this IDM lesson when we start the Gilded Age unit. The students, then, are always practicing inquiry and critical thinking skills by being provided similar lessons to the IDMs that I report to the county. We hope that creating “mini IDMS” (as much work as this can be) keeps their historical thinking skills fresh the entire academic year. 

Clearly, Lisa and I are being kept busy with this IDM/curriculum work! We, however, enjoy making new assignments and resources, so it’s a welcomed challenge. The extra pay is, of course, a welcomed bonus. What’s refreshing is that most of the activities we can contribute to our assigned units are finished. We need to tweak and edit a few things, and relabel them to reflect the assigned 2023 standards, but we don’t have to create new activities. Tomorrow, I’m going over to her house so we can get some work finished together.

So, I’ve given you an insight into a different aspect of my teacher world. Now you’re not longer (I hope) thinking what is she on about when I mention I’m taking part in curriculum work. I’m excited to keep working on curriculum with the county. It gives me a sense of purpose and reminds myself why I ultimately, do enjoy teaching. I take pride in knowing my work is taken seriously by my department bosses; that they feel it is effective enough for other teachers to implement in their own classrooms. If you had asked me six years ago if I would ever be considered to take part in this endeavor, I would’ve laughed in your face and thought you were insane. I can’t believe that there is some faith in me as a leader in creating historical content. I’ll continue to do my best so that way that faith only deepens as I continue in the field of education. I could certainly see myself doing this long-term and one day, being the curriculum specialist that puts their faith in future teachers like myself, wanting to share their historical lessons with anyone who’s interested in using them.

As I work on the curriculum building, I’ve got 10 more (school) days of summer school/using my English expertise. I’m trying to further develop my English expertise by engaging in some summer reading. I’ve kind of lost the joy of pleasure reading since grad school forced me to read giant history tomes…but Lisa’s been trying to encourage me to pick up historical fiction, especially since I can read these types of books within a matter of days - thanks, grad school, for my freakishly fast reading speed. These historical fiction books are also helping with my inspiration and tone for the novel I’m trying to draft, so keep the suggestions coming!

I finished The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah, a World War II offering, and now I’m about to tackle All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr (also World War II). This latter book is also a Netflix mini series. Lisa said both the book and series are amazing, but I’ll read the book first, and then compare it to the mini series. I trust her judgment; however, I’m a classic “book first, then movie” girl.

As for the nonfiction historical book lover in me, I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned my adoration for the Soviet historian, Stephen Kotkin. Magnetic Mountain: Stalinism as Civilization was one of my favorite books I read in grad school (thanks, Dr. Barnes, for an excellent course on all things Stalin). I’ve read other Kotkin volumes since then; Armageddon Averted: The Soviet Collapse, 1970-2000 gave me more background on the Cold War experience in the Soviet Union after the fall of Stalin (and right as the fall of the Berlin Wall occurred), and his three part Stalin biography is a must-read for anyone who is fascinated by the choices and background of this 20th century despot! I’m eagerly awaiting for Kotkin to finish and publish part three (he was supposed to drop it in November of 2024, but it didn’t happen). While I (impatiently) wait for the last part of the biography, I have decided to read his first monograph…Steeltown, USSR: Soviet Society in the Gorbachev Era (1991). I’ve leafed through the book and have seen some similar resources/writing to Magnetic Mountain, so I’ll let you know my opinion on it once I’ve finished with the reading!

I know I’ll definitely get some good reading in as I wrap up summer school but I’ll be taking my summer reading with me to cure boredom on my flight to Texas. I mentioned in my previous post that I wanted to visit my family, especially my niece, so a few days after I wrote, I purchased my airfare. I can’t wait to be home for a few days, eat all the Mexican food (and Whataburger) my stomach can handle, and of course, spend time with my loved ones. 

I’m going to keep praying the writing bug continues and I stay current on my posts!

Until next time…

many happy returns!

-kate.